What a whirlwind summer this has been! We finally sold our home to avoid foreclosure. It had been on the market for over a year, and because the buyers knew that we were in financial distress, they were able to get it at a rock bottom price. Good for them, but not so good for us. We've been riding an emotional roller coaster the past year or so.. dealing with all of the hurt, anger, and frustration that comes after working so hard for all that we have, and realizing that we were going to lose hundreds of thousands of dollars, and the dream home that we had been given the opportunity to build and live in. We accepted the offer and had to move in 30 days. Let me just say, I do not recommend trying to do this.. especially when you are going from about 5000 sf. with a huge barn to about 2000 sf. with a regular garage! My family was a huge blessing, since in the middle of all of this Rod had a business trip commitment that he could not get out of, and I was a bit of a basket case.; ) I will never forget walking through that big house with all of the pictures down and furniture out.. remembering all of the thought and work that went into building it. It was so much of US. We had painstakingly picked every single thing out.. The doorknobs, the windows, the cabinets, the paint colors, the faucets, the little handles on the toilets.. Everything.
I had one last cry, and a nice long prayer. As I drove away, I felt God saying to me, "Tina, you have been faithful to me, and I will NOT fail you." I knew that was true, but I couldn't help but worry about our future. So much debt to still be paid and a recent decision to send our oldest to a Christian school after I had quit my job, and I had PLANNED for all of this to be covered by the profit of the sale. I went to our new rental house, began to put my thoughts to paper, and wrote this:
"God, I have no idea why this is happening, but I do know that I have been proud. I thought nothing bad would happen to us because we have been hard working, upstanding, motivated, faithful people, and that we deserve all that we have- then God began to change my heart-.. We deserve nothing, yet you have given us the most amazing gift through your son Jesus and we still feel cheated. We have worked for "things" that we felt were important, when what is really important is our relationship with YOU, and making sure that our lives point to you." It breaks my heart to think that our lives said. "Look at what we have made for ourselves," instead of "Look at what God has done in and for us."
So, we are starting over. We are not homeowners for the first time in 18 years. We sold our new car and bought an older one so that we have no car payments, we paid all of our credit cards off, and we are working on payment plans for the rest of our business debt. It really does feel good to simplify things, and to all share a smaller space. : ) I have really come to believe the old adage "It's just money." Yes, we lost A LOT of money, and a beautiful house, but we will always have a HOME because we are living in His kingdom. He loves our family and wants the best for us, and even though it took me a while to realize it, I know that where He has us now is much closer to where he wants us to be than when we were living in the big house on the hill.